Monday, November 14, 2005

Monday Schmonday

Just another manic monday.

The weekends are just too damn short.

I like my job, it is just that prying your self out of bed in the morning that sucks.

Waking up at three AM being sick to your stomach and barfing your brains out through your nose sucks. I dont know what happened, maybye I ate too much rich food last night. Maybye I over ate. Maybye I just diddnt cook those cookies long enough. Watever happened, I thought I was going to die. I upchucked till blood spilled and I was crying. Sorry if this is graphic. My blog is the person who never tells on me and never tells me what I have to say is not appropriate.
Plus, I dont talk to anyone else about this stuff. This all ties into the fear that lives inside that I have something very seriously wrong with me that I cannot afford to get treated. Sometimes for no reason in the mornings I will vomit until I dry heave. I have not had any kind of intimiate sexual contact in over three years, not since I was baptized. I am trying to discover the enlightned state of celibacy that monks have used for centuries. So, that pretty much denies pregnancy, unless you believe in immaculate comception. In this case something is long overdue considering I have had this problem for about a year. Following this vomiting, I have a feeling of extreme discomfort, of weakness, shakiness, sweat, and overall physical defeat. It is hard to do even the most simple things.

Who knows. Maybye I can carry this long enough to get health insurance. at 24, it is about time to get regular medical care.

I feel really bad. I told my roomate last night that he needs to buy his own food and stuff because I cannot afford to cover him anymore. Normally I am the kind of person that says, what the hell, I have some so lets share. BUT after more than once not getting anything in return, after going without when he has, and after watching him horde food and resources, I have decided that needs to buy his own stuff and take care of himself. I am his roomate, not his mother, not his girlfreind, and is he wants someone to pay for his stuff, he should look to his mother or girlfreind and not me. I feel bad because I am a very sharing person, but at the same time I am glad because there might actually be some food in about a week. I need to stop being so generous and force him to become responsible with his money. I have been too nice and now he is used to it. I cant afford to let him live a lifestyle he cant afford when he is not contributing. He has not given me any money towards groceries in over a month. So, he can buy his own since he is so picky anyway. I was awfully tired of spending my hard earned money on foods and things I dont even like just to be nice and compromise. One time I took him to the store and told him that he could spend half the budget on things that he likes. Well he got pissy with me like a spoiled brat and started demanding this and that, after he had spent well over his limit. So, like I said..its time to hold your own, bro. I still love him like a brother, but I cant keep paying for him to live comfortably. Its not my job.

I am either the worlds biggest loser, or a true animal lover, because I wonder how my beastie boys are doing right now, and often wonder about them all day at work.

I hope they are doing ok.......poor guys. Lonley all day long. And there is only so much socialization a cat will do with a pit bull...hehe.

I have a hungry heart today. Perhaps it is lonley. The death grip that I have on the reins to my libido pretty much eliminates the desire for flings and petty relationships. Sometimes it gets a little lonley. Sometimes I want to scream, other times I am happy that I have chosen this path. Either way... let's just hope that some fine specimen shows themselves to be worth my time soon... I hate when people try to set me up with someone. It makes me wonder, what is so wrong with them that they have a hard time finding their own dates?

# posted by RedHeadedDeath | 8:38 AM

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