Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Damn it

I miss my mom so much right now. She died 11 years ago, but some days it still feels like yesterday. Expecially during my Birthday, Thanksgiving, and Christmas. She is not here anymore to cook for us, to care for us. I am completley grown, 24 now....but I dont think I ever got over loosing her. The holidays are really hard for me because I have to be the strong silent type. I dont ever let anyone know how much it still hurts. I am sitting here at work right now trying not to look like a damn baby.....I miss her so much it takes my breath away. Most of the time I don't really feel anything. Then, sometimes it hits me like a ton of bricks. Like right now.

I have always been alone, but it never bothers me. Growing up without a mom and a 14 year old for a dad had its days but was not that hard. The hard part is not having that bond there, that invisible string that connects a daughter to her mother, that unquestionable bond and devotion that a mother has to her daughter. It died with her.

I know this time of year is really hard on my dad, too, and that is the shitty thing. He is all the way in Chicago......I am sure that he misses me a lot. I miss him too. I will give him a call from my gramas house tomorrow.

I will have to make sure and pick up some flowers on the way to my grama's tomorrow.

Ok I am going back to work now.

# posted by RedHeadedDeath | 11:55 AM

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