This morning I woke up with a heavy heart. Hopefully work will lighten it. This is why I like being so busy!
This poem strikes a special chord with me at this time in my life. For anyone who has read it carefully, you might have realized that the man seems to stop in the middle of his journey in a random and possibly dangerous location to ponder his life and direction in a metaphorical way. He speaks about the snow and the lack of a house nearby, mentions that his horse must think he is crazy for stopping in such a random and sensless place. (The horse being a vehicle in this sense...)
Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening Whose woods these are I think I know,
His house is in the village though.
He will not see me stopping here,
To watch his woods fill up with snow.
My little horse must think it queer,
To stop without a farmhouse near,
Between the woods and frozen lake,
The darkest evening of the year.
He gives his harness bells a shake,
To ask if there is some mistake.
The only other sound's the sweep,
Of easy wind and downy flake.
The woods are lovely, dark and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.
-- Robert Frost
(And I too have miles to go before
I sleep....many, but It does not mean
I have not stopped to check my direction
and see where I have been. To a blues
musician you might be reminded of the
proverbial crossroads that a man comes
to in some point of his life.)
Let's face it folks, I don't want anything fancy this year. In case you were wondering what would make me extatically happy this Christmas, here is my list:
1. A futon - Sleeping on the floor sucks, especially on stone tile floors.
2. A computer desk - Because I do not aspire to have scoliosis from sitting like a hunchback on cardboard boxes. I am the hobo hacker. Haha!
3. Gift cards for gas or clothes are always awesome. I need both badly. Having just lost about 40 lbs in the last year, all of my clothes look like I stole them from the lead singer of Blues Traveler.
4. Any kind of chair for the computer desk. I don't care if it is a lawn chair.
Any one or combination of these simple things would make a world of difference! I just downgraded my living situation to save more money, and simplify.
There was a time when I was owned by my possessions. It drove me crazy. No matter how much I worked, I needed more. I wanted more, nothing was ever enough. So, fate dealt me some cards that required me to change. This involved getting rid of 80 percent of all the things that weigh me down. The things you own, end up owning you...how true it is! Although I feel a great loss and I miss these things I had earned for myself and come to love, I also feel free now that I am not trapped by things that I don't need. I did not need two televisions. I did not need two DVD players, or three VCR's, or all of my books from graduating 3 years ago. I did not need the fancy trappings that IKEA would have you buy and fill your house with. To hell with nesting! Investing in material possessions that do not pay you back is silly. No more buying fancy dishes. No more buying stupid Asian artifacts and imports. Because when it all goes down, none of that crap matters. You are not your job. You are not how much money is in your bank account. You are not the car you drive. You are a collection of your experiences and you take a small part of each person you meet with you. Material things are highly overrated and they have little or no appeal to me anymore. This has nothing to do with depression or some kind of emotional state. It has to do with liberation and the ability to change. So change! It's kind of scary, but when you look back you will say, wow, was that me? Look at what I am capable of without all the things I thought I needed. Simplify. It will make you a stronger person.
Let's hear it for heavy city construction in the downtown corridor. As if the luxury of a grid system were not a daydream...the construction continues to waste my gas and cause me to make mind bending maneuvers that even I am ashamed of. One side of streets closed, while the other becomes a one way...the eternal fabrication of the light rail that was started in 2000 and has continued to be in development through it's projected completion date of 2007-2008. Labels: Construction - Improvement or diversion?
GET IT DONE ALREADY! Or give me a rebate on all the gas you make me waste driving miles out of my way to get to a nearby location. The city is congested with tourists, because it is winter in Arizona. I can't wait until they all go home and give us back our lovely sweltering litterbox.
I have been trying to find the best way to get to and from work, and so far it is a trial and error process. Yesterday I got lost both on the way to work and on the way home. Talk about irritating. Yay lets get lost downtown during rush hour! Woo!
So, MySpace bites the dust. If you want to know what I am thinking or musing about check this blog, otherwise you will be very confused and left out as I continue to spew the random thoughts you love to chuckle at.
And now, a random music video....how many people wanna kick some ass?
I still use this blog I swear!
Entry Word: integrity
Function: noun
Text:
1 conduct that conforms to an accepted standard of right and wrong
2 devotion to telling the truth <her integrity is such that she tells the truth even when people least want to hear it> -- see HONESTY 1
3 faithfulness to high moral standards -- see HONOR 1
Someone once had a quote in their signature - Integrity is an all or nothing thing, you can't be at 98 percent.....this same person used to verbally bash me for sticking to my guns and not being flimsy with my beliefs. I think she should read this definition to find the true meaning of the word.
By the glint of a blue eye you fly
your wings filled with air from a country sky
non sequiteur - minstrel born of fire
Crossroads in Memphis delt you some cards
A life shattered - she collected your shards
Walking the line as if life were a wire
A love in this world that I admire
c. 2005 Michelle Reilley - Copyright strictly enforced - Plagarism is a crime
HAD I the heavens' embroidered cloths,
Enwrought with golden and silver light,
The blue and the dim and the dark cloths
Of night and light and the half light,
I would spread the cloths under your feet:
But I, being poor, have only my dreams;
I have spread my dreams under your feet;
Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.
W.B. Yeats (1865–1939)
"He Wishes For the Cloths of Heaven"
from the Collected Works of W.B. Yeats
I dont know if god reads blogs, but just in case he does:
I am in amazement of you, god! Your wonders amaze me. I love you so much that I can barley stand it. I pray that you will fill me with light and grace.....I am amazed at your creation every day....thank you so much for the people on this planet, the people I meet, work with...thank you for artists and love. Thank you for helping me to realize that every day is a gift, and that life is a privelage not a right. Thank you for choosing me to carry your word, and your precepts. Thank you for giving me the strength to uphold what is right, and abhor what is wrong. Thank you for instilling in me the ability to recognize the difference between evil and wrong. People do wrong things, but that does not make them evil.
Thank you most of all lord, for my father and grandmother who I have come to need very much right now. Lord, your love is like the sunshiune that filters through my heart. If I could I would lay at your feet and cry tears of gratitude for everything you have given me. Thank you so much for this life that I live. Sometimes I am not grateful, but you knock me back down and remind me. Lord, I beg that in your infinite grace and glory that you will send to me the person you made for me. I pray that he will be a good man that is not perfect....someone I can grow with and grow closer to you with, without making me feel like a heretic. Thank you for making this person, lord. I pray that I will meet him soon so that I may know the perfect love and trust that you created for a man and a wife.
Thank you lord, most of all for the ability to speak to you whenever i need to. I see and feel you working in my everyday life. Please stay close to me Lord, and watch over me.
WALK THE LINE
_______________________________
What a great movie this was. I was really impressed by Mr. Phoenix's ability to sing like the late, great Mr. Cash.
Pictured to the right with Elvis:
I am really glad that Mr. Cash personaly chose Phoenix to play him in this biopic. I found the movie to be very romatic, glorifying Mr Cash for all that he was and very little that he was not. I had no idea what a wonderful lady June Carter Cash was, rest her soul. I can only hope to have as much fortitude and grace as that magnificent woman. Johnny cash was not a perfect man, not someone to look up to per se. He is one of my herores because he was just a regular man.....he fought his demons. It was interesting to see the portrayal of Mr. Cash's first marriage. The movie made that poor girl seem like quite the uppity thing. She never really stood behind him, it was always what he could do for her. As the child of a travelling musician, I watched my dad go through similar problems, and I never once saw my mother act like this woman treated him. Then again, my mother was a solid lady, and never had to worry about my dad having wandering eyes, because she was everything he needed and took care of him.
Michelle
Designer. Creator. Information Architect. Photographer. Jane of all things creative.
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